Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Too Much Information

I am an introvert (contrary to what some of you might think!). Therefore, I don't offer much deep, personal stuff to many people. It's not my problem! (as my language teacher says...I told him to learn a new English word....Fault.."its not your fault".) And its not my fault either, God made me this way. However, I thought I would give it a shot...a safe shot, yes, but a shot nonetheless.

My August 21st journal entry:
Dreams. For the past three nights in a row I have had dreams I wish I hadn't. The first, terrorists got a hold of about 50 people, including me, and took us hostage. I woke up as they were clearing the city out that I lived in. Bad dream. The second, the plane that I was on crashed into he middle of some European grassland. No one died, but as I sat in the back of the plane my whole life flashed before my eyes. Another bad one. The third, I had a dream about an ex-girlfriend of mine. In it, she asked for us to get back together. I hesitated, well, up until she said and did this..."Can anyone touch you like this?" and she put her arms around me and hugged me. The feeling is one I'll never forget even though I was asleep. It zapped me, reached to the core of me. It gave me a feeling I have never had before..it felt like, love. Thus, I responded, "No, I haven't been touched like that before."

The subconscious. Hard to explain why I would dream such things. Well, until I really gave it some thought. Maybe its not so hard to understand. Is it fear? Could I possibly fear all of these things? Or, could it be held down concscious thought?....things I push deep into me. Could I just be denying these aspects of my life, not dealing with them? Both ideas/conclusions could make sense. I don't like flying, have a healthy (and I stress, healthy) fear of terrorists, and one or maybe 80, of my friends say I am afraid of love. Things I am afraid of in my subconscious. Or, I don't like flying and I will be doing a lot for the rest of my life, am living in the age of terrorism, and also desiring to find that someone. All real life stuff, in your face stuff...not subconscious, but conscious thought. Whatever it is, I have a hard time believing it is just dreams of chance. I'll seek Him....

There you go. An aspect of me that is usually hidden. Maybe next time I'll wait until you ask.....


Anonymous said...

Finally, geeez!

"I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love."
~Mother Theresa

(I think I am a closet Quote-aholic. but I digress...)

An emotional life sure is crazy scary, huh? But imagine how much more scary it would be without them!

Now I can't speak for Hailey . . . but, I can tell you that today, my conscious loves you and more than likely my subconscious does too!

And I'm not afraid to say so! ha!:)~

P.S. Yay! You're using your journal!
P.P.S. Now, please check your email.

Anonymous said...

Oh and P.P.S.S. . . .
Explain to me how an introvert has 80 friends?????

Obviously, I am missing something.

Anonymous said...

Wow you've bared your soul. Sorry to hear about the bad dreams, but it's good to come face to face with our fears and let Him walk us through it, and in the end He will use it mightily. Whether you know it or not we've already been praying for you in these specific areas and will continue to do so. Hang in there and in the end you will soar with the eagles. Can't wait to see how He uses this in making you a part of His story.
The Carey's

Tami said...

I'm sure you know what I mean if I say this blog is answered prayer.

May He quiet you with His love~