Saturday, March 31, 2007

My Mind's Eye

Debriefing. The process that translates easier as, "Oh my, I'm back in America and this doesn't feel like home anymore." I started to feel like a sojourner before I left overseas at about this time last year, but now, I really feel like a wanderer. I think it is a way God prepares some people to deal with starting basically a new life. Well, now I'm back "home" and the transition has been tough.

I wonder if people look at me different. I wonder what they think. I try to just blend in, but inside that couldn't be any farther from reality. I know people cant necessarily see my heart and my mind, my soul, but I still feel like they can. So I try to act as normal as possible even though I will never be normal again. To see what I saw, to hear what I heard, to understand what I now do about life, and this vastly different culture I once lived, is irreplaceable. I mean, I know I still have much to learn, but I did learn some valuable things while I was "there".

America is the same as I left it. TV's. Movies. Starbucks. Gyms. Churches. Radio. Cars. Houses. Etc. But, I have a new reality now. I have images and stories imprinted in me that will never go away.

Everyday I see Gulagha. My guard. My friend. Who died the day before I left.

I just pray that the Lord guides me through this journey of readjustment and applying lessons learned from overseas . I ask that my life will never be the same, and that I learn and draw closer to him as a result of it......


the Beckster said...

Hey. Praying for the daily reality of Christ's presence to invade your heart during this time. He's walking with you and promises to guide you through the muddy waters of reentry.


Anonymous said...

Bro-heem Jibroni,
I admire the tension/weight God has lovingly aloud to be on your heart at this time. It's that very tension, pressing us that has been the greatest to move a believer from one level to another in their faith!. Praise God!

I pray for more weight. And I can't wait tear hear all about yours brother.


Mr. Fank said...

Interesting the things God uses to change us. I have in my wallet a Christian green card that I made as part of a sermon illustration - a reminder that this is not home, we are here as aliens and strangers.

There is something powerful about seeing other parts of this world. It makes us realize that American "normal" isn't normal. It may be comfortable (too comfortable!), but it certainly isn't "normal".

I experienced some of the same type of thoughts you had after some of my travels, although, admittedly, a couple of weeks here and there are not the same as living in a location. But talking to my Uzbek and Tajik friends certainly made me a feel a little more uncomfortable here in the U.S.

So, welcome "home" fellow sojourner. May you never feel completely comfortable so that you can see above "normal" and see the hand of God. Wherever you may be.


Adrienne Gibson said...

Amazing how things like that can change in the blink of an eye. Well...maybe it was for me, I strongly doubt it was for you. Thank you for sharing your story on Tuesday about your friend that passed away. It made your home a little more real for me.

Nate Hughes said...

dude, i hear you...being back "home" doesn't always feel quite like it used to...everytime I'm back it feels a little more distant...

the great thing about it, though, is that it helps me to remember my true identity (in Christ) and my true affiliation (the Kingdom)...

John Lynch said...


Love this post, dude. Sorry I didn't find it til today. Didn't know you were blogging again.

Can't wait to talk with you in just a few days. So excited for all God has. For the depth of kingdom and life He's led you into. For the prophetic perspective He's instilled in you and will use to pierce the fog and rubber-boundaries of this oozing bondage that fills our earth.

Love you like crazy.

Get married. Write more.

See you Monday!!!